Chapter 4

It has been almost 2 weeks since I last wrote a chapter. But during these 2 weeks, a lot of things has happened. We both know our partners decision already. But during these messy times, it made me realize even more that you are the right person for me, even though you always reminded me to think properly x100 times. There is nothing left to think Zerline, I am already ALL-IN for you since the day I fell for you. This is not some puppy love at 18 years old. This is discovering my soulmate, someone who I don’t mind sacrificing my time and effort and love for, without asking anything in return, or taking advantage of you in return. When we had that conversation at the cafe at Hillside, I was already 100% all in for you, at that time I was already 200% sure that I will not give up on you.

We had our first day trip recently, and although nothing much happened, I was still very happy that I could accompany you on this trip and made sure that everything is as as planned, made sure that you were safe and made sure that everything went smoothly. The bonus for me was that I was able to spend a few hours with you in the train, these are the small little moments that I find so important for us, as it builds memories for the future, and brings us to be closer and be more understanding about each other. This is definitely better than just deciding where to eat and then heading home after a quick meal. I would love to create all these small moments together, for our memories together. Are you willing to have these memories too?

I feel something different in the past week from you. I don’t know if it’s because you finally finally really accepted me and my feelings and started to open up more and willing to share more, or because you’ve also started to love me, even if it’s just a little bit. I do hope it’s both though, that would be such an amazing thing to happen. I can feel that you’re making efforts to ask about me and my well-being, and trying to do things which will not make me disappointed. And in the event that you know I might be disappointed, you make sure to explain to me why you did what you did, to ensure that I understand the situation. This is such a sweet sweet gesture from you, this was something unexpected that happened suddenly to me, and it probably shows that you care about how I feel and wants me to feel at ease all the time. Like I told you in WhatsApp recently, things have changed from 80% rejection to 80% approval. I don’t know why it happened or how it happened. But I’m glad it happened.

What’s a chapter without saying sorry hor? Yes, I know I’m not perfect and sometimes do make you feel burdened or stressed or misunderstood, but I’m sorry for being human and showing too much of my emotions. I just love you so much, that sometimes I do irrational things and showing my feelings while disappointed and it affects my mood a little bit. But as I explained earlier, it’s all due to expectations from my part. When the outcome is not what I expected to be, it affects me. I’m sorry this happened. I’m still learning on how to read you and your needs, and still improve myself to improve our relationship. I’m also sorry that you had to go through an awful experience from him about the latest incidents (airport ride, bank transfer), but at the same time I had to stop you from doing anymore silly things for him, because it really seems that you have not woken up properly, and need a proper reset. I’m glad that I insisted that you don’t do anymore things for him, as I know that all he does is take from you, and will just use you for his own convenience as he knows he can do so because he is laughing at you from inside his heart. If he has love for you, it is long gone already, and now it’s just about maximizing the usage out of you. I hope that you can really trust me with all your heart, and start a new episode, and new happy adventure with me. I hope that you can trust me that I will use all my heart, all my care and concern to shower on you, to make you feel like a real pampered woman that you’ve never felt before.

Let’s build a future together that is beautiful and full of understanding, love, care, concern, intimacy, and full of hugs and little kisses all the time, shall we? Please let me know if you’re willing to do the same on WhatsApp after you read this paragraph. We still have many things to explore, many places to go, many adventures to happen yet. You’re the only person in the world I want to do all these with, and being with you just for a moment really really makes me feel contented in the second it happens. Anyway, let’s remember our deal of 70/30. Or maybe 60/40? No matter what, I promise you that I will always be the person that love you more than you love me, forever.

I’m glad that I am able to come into your life and show you what true and unlimited love is, and I hope you’re glad too. I know it’s still early days, and we’re actually not official yet, but so far all I’ve done for you is out of pure love for you, Zerline. I also know I’ve kept repeating this again and again, please let me know if you’re bored of such words. I guess this chapter has less dramatic words because the past 2 weeks has been sweet rather than chaotic, so I have less chance to say sorry and explain much about my actions. But this also means that we are beginning to understand each other more, and you’re willing to accept my ways and how I treat you already, I think. I hope it stays this way. I understand that in the future, there will be instances where we will have some small arguments or disagreements, but I want to make it clear that we will always talk out our disagreement in a mature way, and I will always compromise for you for your happiness as long as you promise to listen to me explain.

As you’re now in JB on the first day and it feels weird not to be in constant contact with you to chat or talk on the phone, it feels weird again not be able to do the 2 things mentioned above. It has become my routine, my drug, to be able to everyday connect with you. There are 2 more days to go, and I already miss you like crazy again. I hope I am strong enough to go through the weekend, and I hope that I am able to see you on Monday and Tuesday, just the 2 of us, as you know I will be away for 6 days after next week. I really do miss you so much, and will miss you even more when I am away.

I hope by now you understand this Zerline, I love you with all my heart. I know I’m not handsome or rich, but I know also I will treat you as a woman with dignity and respect, and help you in any way possible, and sayang you with all of my heart. Just let me love you unconditionally, and I promise you, you will not regret even for a second.

你是这个世界上我最喜欢的人,

我非常非常爱你.

Miss you like crazy,

Alan

8/12/23

9:40pm