This Is The Beginning, And More / 这是一个开始，还有更多。

They say a picture speaks a thousand words. And this picture speaks everything.

他们说一张图片胜过千言万语。而这张图片表达了一切。

13 Oct 2023. Remember this date. This changed everything. I know it’s hard to imagine such simple words can have such a profound meaning and impact to us. I know that things haven’t been smooth sailing between us lately, but then again, every couple do have its ups and downs. Perhaps ours are much more challenging and special compared to many others. Sorry, not perhaps. Definitely. Definitely tougher and much much more challenging. 

2023年10月13日。记住这个日子。这一天改变了一切。我知道很难想象这样简单的几个字会对我们产生如此深远的意义和影响。我知道，最近我们之间的关系并不顺利，但每对情侣都会有起起落落。也许我们的情况比很多人都更具挑战性和特别。不，应该不是“也许”，是肯定。肯定更艰难，而且更具挑战性。

It’s really up to us to make it work. I know and I can feel that there are invisible forces that’s making us always have conflict. I can’t explain this, but something is definitely happening. Something I can feel but cannot explain. If there is anything I can do to make us have less conflict, I will do it. But sometimes I feel that I am out of control and have less patience, I really don’t know why. After I have calmed down in about 30 minutes then only I realized my mistake, but by then it’s already too late. The damage has been done. Words have been spoken that hurt you. Text have been sent that hurt you. I don’t know why I cannot tahan, I really don’t know. I fear that one day, our constant friction and conflict over stupid little things will really boil over and make us lose each other forever. This is what many parties would like to see. And do you remember the other day you checked my character based on my time of birth? You said I want to win eh. Yes, I admit. I want to win. And I will not give up so easily. And I want to win you, until the end of my life. I want to win you each and every day. I want to be selfish and win your affection, your pamper, your attention, your voice, your soft spoken tone, your sweet smile, your delightful jokes, your small little kisses on me. I want to win it every time. And most of all, I want to win you till the end. 

我们要让这一切奏效，真的只能靠我们自己。我知道，也能感觉到有一种无形的力量，让我们总是产生冲突。我无法解释，但我确实感受到了什么东西在发生，某种我能感知却说不清的东西。如果有什么我能做的，能让我们少一些冲突，我一定会去做。但有时我觉得自己失去了控制，耐心也变少了，真的不知道为什么。等我冷静下来，大概过了30分钟，我才意识到自己的错误，但那时已经太晚了，伤害已经造成了。我说过的话伤了你，我发的消息也伤了你。我真的不知道为什么我忍不住，真的不知道。我害怕有一天，我们因为一些无关紧要的小事产生的摩擦和冲突，会真的失控，让我们永远失去彼此。这是很多人愿意看到的结果。

你还记得那天你根据我的出生时间看我的性格吗？你说我想要赢。是的，我承认，我想赢，我不会轻易放弃。我想赢得你，直到生命的尽头。每天，我都想赢得你。我想自私地赢得你的宠爱、你的呵护、你的关注、你的声音、你温柔的语气、你甜美的微笑、你逗趣的笑话、你对我的小小吻。我想每次都赢得这一切。最重要的是，我想赢得你，直到永远。

Maybe recent pressures from all parties has taken its toll on us both, making us have less and less patience towards each other. And this creates more and more misunderstandings each and every time. Please… believe me. I hate it as much as you do when these happen. My mood for the whole morning/afternoon/evening will really go down the drain every time we have our disagreements. Of course, I would so so look forward to go through each and every day as sweet and in harmony as possible with you, but it’s not happening as yet. I know this can happen one, and will happen, all it needs is time. Right now, there’s just too too much pressures, distractions, opinions from many angles. And I know you hate it, trust me, I know. Because I hate it too. At the end of the day, my message is we cannot lose each other due to outside influence… please let our love really have a chance to flourish first. Because until now, we don’t yet really have the chance to go through a very very strong period of togetherness and receive each other’s love without interruption from others yet. At least if we have tried and experienced that and then we don’t end up together, at least we can honestly say that we have tried being together the best to our ability and it doesn’t work. At least we can say that when people ask why. At least we can answer ourselves. After going through so many challenges, we owe ourselves this chance to really do things for each other. Let’s give us this chance. 

也许最近来自各方的压力让我们都受到了影响，使得我们对彼此的耐心越来越少。每次这样，都会引发更多的误解。拜托……请你相信我，每次发生这些，我和你一样讨厌这种感觉。每当我们有分歧时，我的整天心情都会被影响，上午、下午、晚上都会低落。当然，我无比期待每天都能和你甜蜜、和谐地度过，但现在还没能实现。我知道这是可以实现的，并且一定会实现的，只需要时间。现在，有太多的压力、干扰、各方的意见。我知道你讨厌这些，相信我，我也讨厌。最终，我想表达的是，我们不能因为外界的影响而失去彼此……请让我们的爱真正有机会成长。因为到目前为止，我们还没有真正度过一段非常稳固的时光，去感受彼此的爱，而不被他人打扰。

至少我们要尝试过，经历过这样的时光，如果最终我们还是没能在一起，那至少我们可以诚实地说，我们尽力在一起了，但没能成功。这样当别人问起时，我们可以给出一个回答。我们可以回答自己。经历了这么多挑战，我们欠自己一个机会，去真心为彼此付出。让我们给彼此这个机会吧。

My heart very pain actually. I know I can be a macho man and act like I don’t care. But with you, I’m unable to do it. I’m sorry. Everything you do concerns me, every sickness, pain, hungriness, coldness, complains, etc. I really do take concern on it. Even when I’m super tired, super sleepy. When you’re in front of me, even when I lose my temper, I will regret it in about 20-30 minutes or so. And I want to sayang you back, because I really cannot tahan seeing you unhappy or hurt or angry. Even when sometimes you’re really in the wrong. I know you’re in the wrong. But I want you to know that you’re my woman, and I don’t want you to feel hurt. Yes sometimes I may lose my temper, I’m sorry, I’m also human. 

其实我的心真的很痛。我知道我可以装成一个无所谓的“硬汉”，但在你面前，我做不到。对不起，你做的每一件事我都放在心上，每次你生病、不舒服、饿了、冷了、抱怨了等等，我真的都会在意。即使我非常累，非常困，但当你在我面前时，即使我发脾气，大概过20-30分钟我就会后悔，然后想要回头疼爱你。因为我真的受不了看到你不开心、受伤或生气。即使有时候你真的有错，我知道你有错。但我只想让你知道，你是我的女人，我不希望你感到受伤。是的，有时候我可能会失去冷静，对不起，我也是人。

Let’s continue to work hard to give each other our shot at staying together. I don’t know how to tell you this, but you mean the world to me.  And I wish to have you by my side till the end.

让我们继续努力，为彼此争取在一起的机会。我不知道怎么跟你表达，但你对我来说就是我的全世界。我希望能一直有你在我身边，直到最后。

I love you, Zerline. 

我爱你，Zerline。